The title of this piece reminds me of this quote by Toni Morisson: “Freedom is choosing your responsibility. It's not having no responsibilities; it's choosing the ones you want.”
I definitely spiral between being ready to do the hard work of artmaking and wanting it to be easy and fall in my lap. I remember when I was promoted at my job and I became the leader of a team of writers, editors, and designers. As I saw how hard we worked to bring content to our clients, I thought to myself: I’m not working hard enough for myself.
As a writer, I was like, whoa. I have to grind harder. And it worked, but I also burnt myself out, so it’s a dance. But I love the idea of owning your freedom. Not wanting to do the work is kind of like saying you don’t want the freedom. Which is bringing me to another iconic quote. This one is from Debbie Allen’s character as the dance teacher on Fame. She told all those aspiring dancers: “You've got big dreams? You want fame? Well, fame costs. And right here is where you start paying in sweat.”
Sweating for ourselves is so much sweeter than sweating for someone else!
Really adore this comment, thank you for taking the time to write it. I relate to this so much because I remember seeing myself work so hard for other people and then not understanding when that same work ethic didn’t transfer back to myself. And then I remembered that this is something I’ve chosen so I get to set the terms of my hard work, because it will still cost something for this dream but it doesn’t have to make me complete lose sight of myself all the time. I picked this hard, so I can do this at my own pace. Definitely a balance I’m currently learning!
I think a lot of creatives/artists get shamed for walking away from the "acceptable" kind of hard. As if choosing a less conventional path means we're avoiding “real work”, when it often feels like the pursuit of a creative career, and the uncertainty that comes with it, is as hard as it gets😅
Yes! I've been realising that there's always an underlying idea in my head that by choosing my own creative path, I'm somehow getting away with having it easy. But it is not true at all. 😂
I think “hard” gets a bad rep bc we’re accustomed to working hard within the structures of “normal” society. I’ll admit when I exited the matrix and set out on my own path, I thought “now everything gets to be easy”. Of course, I was wrong. The kind of hard I’ve been met with since has been its own special brand of challenging, BUT through it all, I haven’t felt any resentment towards what’s been required of me. & I think that’s because, as you’ve said here: I chose this hard (& I will choose it again day in and day out because it is truly soul fulfilling) 💫
It also feels like understanding which “hard” will be worth it is just something that comes with aging too. When you live a little more life, there’s no avoiding hard just learning how to get more serious about picking the life you want. But love that you also found that for yourself! 🤎
This! I have a sister who’s 10 years younger than me, and she said she didn’t want a summer job at the grocery store “because it’s actual work.” I had to suppress a crash-out tbh. But so many of the younger folk raised on social media (especially younger women tbh) think they’re entitled an easy, smooth, tension-free life. But the beauty is IN the tension, joy and character come OUT of the conflict.
Gen Z is… interesting lol I love them, but unfortunately they see so many people just become overnight celebs that they really don’t like the idea of a regular job or are afraid of work ethic. And as a creative I feel like they want me to give some glamorous answer around how to avoid it and I’m always like… oh no baby you will have to work for this 🥹
Yeah… as someone who’s also been locked in on a dream for about as long, I feel this! As someone once said, “Nothing worth fighting for is easy.”… I’ve def seen progress but I know I am not at the top of the mountain just yet but that drives and inspires me to keep moving forward.
Just know you are seen and I believe you have everything to get to where you’re going
It made me cry and I.. I'm thinking. I'm 20 and I always felt like I'm.. I'm falling behind I don't know what I'll be doing in 20 years from now will I even like the job I'll be doing? But now it sounds a little bit clearer. And I think I'm finding out what's worth the sacrifice. Thank you. 🤍
I know you probably hear this a lot but you have sooo much time, and because you’re asking these questions now and trying to figure it out, these next 20 years and beyond will exceed your expectations. Im happy this was comforting to read! 🤎
I come back to this time and time again when I’m feeling resistance… choose my hard, a little sacrifice short term for the long term investment is always going to come up trumps ☝🏼✨
I stopped saying I’m “chasing” my dreams a while back, because chasing means it’s running from you. It means you’re always behind, always reaching, always one step short. My dreams aren’t running. They’re not somewhere out there waiting to be caught — they’re being created, day by day, choice by choice, in real time.
“Pick your hard” is the same energy. Chasing implies you don’t have a say in the difficulty. Creating means you do. I didn’t get handed this hard, I chose it, I’m building it, and every hard day is still evidence that it’s mine.
Thank you for this. Needed the reminder that the goal was never to catch something. It’s to build it with my own two hands.
The title of this piece reminds me of this quote by Toni Morisson: “Freedom is choosing your responsibility. It's not having no responsibilities; it's choosing the ones you want.”
I definitely spiral between being ready to do the hard work of artmaking and wanting it to be easy and fall in my lap. I remember when I was promoted at my job and I became the leader of a team of writers, editors, and designers. As I saw how hard we worked to bring content to our clients, I thought to myself: I’m not working hard enough for myself.
As a writer, I was like, whoa. I have to grind harder. And it worked, but I also burnt myself out, so it’s a dance. But I love the idea of owning your freedom. Not wanting to do the work is kind of like saying you don’t want the freedom. Which is bringing me to another iconic quote. This one is from Debbie Allen’s character as the dance teacher on Fame. She told all those aspiring dancers: “You've got big dreams? You want fame? Well, fame costs. And right here is where you start paying in sweat.”
Sweating for ourselves is so much sweeter than sweating for someone else!
Really adore this comment, thank you for taking the time to write it. I relate to this so much because I remember seeing myself work so hard for other people and then not understanding when that same work ethic didn’t transfer back to myself. And then I remembered that this is something I’ve chosen so I get to set the terms of my hard work, because it will still cost something for this dream but it doesn’t have to make me complete lose sight of myself all the time. I picked this hard, so I can do this at my own pace. Definitely a balance I’m currently learning!
Yess!
Yes, the balance is everything. And making the shift from grinding to flourishing is so important. I’m working on that now too.
I completely understand this.. easy life versus the life you want with the hard work. I’m there right now and it is so oil and water. Love this
I think a lot of creatives/artists get shamed for walking away from the "acceptable" kind of hard. As if choosing a less conventional path means we're avoiding “real work”, when it often feels like the pursuit of a creative career, and the uncertainty that comes with it, is as hard as it gets😅
Whewwww the creative path is truly not for the weak 😅 completely agree lol
Yes! I've been realising that there's always an underlying idea in my head that by choosing my own creative path, I'm somehow getting away with having it easy. But it is not true at all. 😂
This!!
I think “hard” gets a bad rep bc we’re accustomed to working hard within the structures of “normal” society. I’ll admit when I exited the matrix and set out on my own path, I thought “now everything gets to be easy”. Of course, I was wrong. The kind of hard I’ve been met with since has been its own special brand of challenging, BUT through it all, I haven’t felt any resentment towards what’s been required of me. & I think that’s because, as you’ve said here: I chose this hard (& I will choose it again day in and day out because it is truly soul fulfilling) 💫
It also feels like understanding which “hard” will be worth it is just something that comes with aging too. When you live a little more life, there’s no avoiding hard just learning how to get more serious about picking the life you want. But love that you also found that for yourself! 🤎
This! I have a sister who’s 10 years younger than me, and she said she didn’t want a summer job at the grocery store “because it’s actual work.” I had to suppress a crash-out tbh. But so many of the younger folk raised on social media (especially younger women tbh) think they’re entitled an easy, smooth, tension-free life. But the beauty is IN the tension, joy and character come OUT of the conflict.
Gen Z is… interesting lol I love them, but unfortunately they see so many people just become overnight celebs that they really don’t like the idea of a regular job or are afraid of work ethic. And as a creative I feel like they want me to give some glamorous answer around how to avoid it and I’m always like… oh no baby you will have to work for this 🥹
Yeah… as someone who’s also been locked in on a dream for about as long, I feel this! As someone once said, “Nothing worth fighting for is easy.”… I’ve def seen progress but I know I am not at the top of the mountain just yet but that drives and inspires me to keep moving forward.
Just know you are seen and I believe you have everything to get to where you’re going
Thank you for this! I see you too and wishing you peace as you keep building 🤞🏾
It made me cry and I.. I'm thinking. I'm 20 and I always felt like I'm.. I'm falling behind I don't know what I'll be doing in 20 years from now will I even like the job I'll be doing? But now it sounds a little bit clearer. And I think I'm finding out what's worth the sacrifice. Thank you. 🤍
I know you probably hear this a lot but you have sooo much time, and because you’re asking these questions now and trying to figure it out, these next 20 years and beyond will exceed your expectations. Im happy this was comforting to read! 🤎
OMG you made me cry AGAIN! thank you kaya! Please never stop writing! I'll be reading all your essays every morning from now on💘
Waaaaittt is she Sydney from The Bear? I love her and I relate to her so much
Yes the cover photo is my girl Sydney!
Love this entire piece!! Thank you for taking the time to write this 🫂🫂🫂🫂
Thank you for reading! 🫶🏾
Literally took your advice for the rest of the day and its been so peaceful 💕
I come back to this time and time again when I’m feeling resistance… choose my hard, a little sacrifice short term for the long term investment is always going to come up trumps ☝🏼✨
This is the piece I needed today.
I stopped saying I’m “chasing” my dreams a while back, because chasing means it’s running from you. It means you’re always behind, always reaching, always one step short. My dreams aren’t running. They’re not somewhere out there waiting to be caught — they’re being created, day by day, choice by choice, in real time.
“Pick your hard” is the same energy. Chasing implies you don’t have a say in the difficulty. Creating means you do. I didn’t get handed this hard, I chose it, I’m building it, and every hard day is still evidence that it’s mine.
Thank you for this. Needed the reminder that the goal was never to catch something. It’s to build it with my own two hands.
Great read! I like to equate hard to “is it worth my time/do I enjoy it” if my answer is yes then weirdly it no longer becomes hard
😲😍👑